Monday, September 14th, 2020 - Houseofhoods_

Who is guilty of denying your husband or wife of sex because your exhausted? Stressed? Or Maybe it's a mutual agreement? Maybe it's that shiney device we all have problem's putting down?

Either way After marriage our sex life goes on the back burner and we seem to look for more excuses to avoid sex rather than to have it. So what does this mean for your relationship?

Well, not much, to be honest. Generally, after you have been together for a while this is what some would call normal. Plus you're married now, in a committed relationship and you know sex is always an option. 

So like many couples with kids, life stresses and work commitments, we tend to opt more for alone time scrolling our phones than time together. Bedtime gramming has replaced our bed time ramming. And although Karl and I have a great sex life, we tend to go through dry spells,too. For me, these dry spells occur after the ovulation period, like most women. For Karl they're usually more unpredictable.

Karl and I tend to use the children as an excuse mostly. Whether it's because they go to bed late, wake up during the night or my favourite.... The kids were assholes today, I am too stressed for sex. Being too tired or lack of sleep the night before is also common too, but yet I still find myself climbing into bed, flicking between the same 3 apps for an hour or so and taking more interest in tik tok dances rather than getting down and dirty with Karl. 

Is this something that's now the new normal? Or could these dry sex spells and phoney excuses to avoid sexual intimacy damaging our relationships? It's kind of funny, even though I'm guilty of avoiding sex with Karl sometimes, when he does it, I take it extremely personally. Why doesn't he want me? Is he losing interest? Is there someone else? And no I am not talking about a few days (I know I am a little crazy but come on!) I mean 2 or 3 weeks of no sexual contact.

Other things impact our desire for sexual intimacy too like birth control, mental health and financial woes. But in the scheme of things, sex is meant to be the biggest stress reliever, anti depressant and thing that keeps the spark alive, so the big question is are we just being too damn lazy?

Are we using our phones as a crutch instead of confining in our partners? Is it time to deactivate our social media and reactivate our sex lives? While sex is important, so is doing what feels right for you and your state of mind. I think the key to any relationship above sex is communication and balance. Time out is important and vital for any relationship. But what if you'd rather be on your phone than on your partner? Are you cockblocking with your endless tiktoking?

Maybe you need to reacess your patterns and usage. If it's a case of same old routine.... Or in simple terms, boredom, maybe it's time to shake things up, change up your sexual routine and add some spontaneity back into something that has become more like a chore.

Of course If you love your phone THAT much you could also include it in your sex life. It involves video mode and some good lighting. Just be careful not to hit the upload button though!!

Writer : Jessica Hood

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